【目录】1.英语原版2.英汉对照3.对女人和男人的另一种描述[英文]
1. English original 英语原版WOMAN

Understanding Women

If you kiss her, you are not a gentlemanIf you do not, you are not a man.
If you praise her, she thinks you are lyingIf you do not, you are good for nothing.
If you agree with all her likes, you are abusingIf you do not, you are not understanding.
If you make romance, you are an experienced manIf you do not, you are half a man.
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboyIf you do not, you are a dull boy.
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boringIf you do not, she accuses you of double-crossing.
If you are jealous, she says it is badIf you are not jealous, she thinks you do not love her.
If you attempt a romance, she says you did not respect herIf you do not, she thinks you do not like her.
If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to waitIf she is late, she says that is a womans way.
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heelIf she is visited by another, Oh, it is natural, we are women.
If you Kiss her once in a while, she professes you are coldIf you Kiss her too many times, she yells that you are taking advantage.
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethicsIf you do, she thinks it is just one of mans tactics.
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirtingIf she is stared at by others, she say that they are just admiring.
If you talk, she wants you to listenIf you listen, she wants you to talk.
Oh God!  You created those creatures called womanSo simple, yet so complexSo weak, yet so powerfulSo confusing, yet so desirable
O LORD, TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
AMEN.[from:http://www.begent.org/womenode.htm]

MAN

Understanding Men

Bros, your wife or girlfriend sure agreed with the “problems of guys” as listed below.
If you TREAT him nicely, he says you are IN LOVE with him;If you Don’t, he says you are PROUD.
If you DRESS Nicely, he says you are trying to LURE him;If you Don’t, he says you are from Rural Areas.
If you ARGUE with him, he says you are STUBBORN;If you keep QUIET, he says you have no BRAINS.
If you are SMARTER than him, he’ll lose FACE;If he’s Smarter than you, he is GREAT.
If you don’t Love him, he tries to POSSESS you;If you Love him, he will try to LEAVE you.
If you don’t make love with him, he says you don’t Love him;If you do!! he says you are CHEAP.
If you tell him your PROBLEM, he says you are TROUBLESOME;If you don’t, he says that you don’t TRUST him.
If you SCOLD him, you are like a NANNY to him;If he SCOLDS you, it is because he CARES for you.
If you BREAK your PROMISE, you Cannot be TRUSTED;If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If you SMOKE, you are BAD girl;If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMEN.
If you do WELL in your exams, he says it’s LUCK;If he does WELL, it’s BRAINS.
If you HURT him, you are CRUEL;If he HURTS you, you are too SENSITIVE!!
If you send this to guys, they will swear that it’s not true…….but if you don’t, they say you are selfish…..
The moral of the story is…This must be written by a woman who hates men!
So Bros, do you think what she said is correct?[from:http://funkydowntown.com/the-problem-with-guys-do-you-agree/]

2.English-Chinese 英汉对照版
WOMANIf you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. 吻她吧，不够君子If you don't, you are not a man. 不吻吧，不象汉子If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. 夸她吧，说你欺骗If you don't, you are good for nothing. 不夸吧，说你笨蛋If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing. 顺她吧，说你气管炎If you don't, you are not understanding. 不顺吧，不善解人If you make romance, you are an "experienced man". 太浪漫，疑你老练If you don't you are half a man. 太规矩，魅力不足If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. 常看她，招她厌烦If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing. 少去点，怨你猎艳If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy. 穿得好，说你花心If you don't, you are a dull boy. 邋遢些，缺个心眼If you are jealous, she says it's bad. 吃醋吧，你太狭隘If you don't , she thinks you do not love her. 大度点，说你不爱If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. 求欢吧，不够尊重If you don't, she thinks you do not like her. 安分吧，不够爱宠If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait. 你晚了，她等得If she is late, she says that's a girl's way. 她晚了，女孩特权If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. 你访友，是你堕落If she is visited by another, "oh it's natural, we are girls". 她聚会，天性其乐If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. 少亲她，你太冷淡If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage. 老亲她，便宜你占If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. 过街不管，道德有缺憾If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics. 领着她走，男人耍手段If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting. 你看别人，是挑逗风情If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring. 别人看她，是仰慕佳绝If you talk, she wants you to listen. 你要说话，它让你听If you listen, she wants you to talk 洗耳恭听，她逼你开言Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN"? 上帝啊！为何拆我骨头造女人？So simple, yet so complex. 简简繁繁So weak, yet so powerful. 弱弱强强So confusing, yet so desirable. 我晕头转向，我魂牵梦扰"O LORD, tell me what to do. AMEN?" 上帝啊！求你告我怎幺办？
MANMen are hard to please 男人很难取悦!The problems with guys: 男人的问题是：If you treat him nicely, he says you are in love with him; 如果妳对他好，他说妳爱上他了．If you don't, he says you are proud. 对他不好，他说妳骄傲．If you dress nicely, he says you are trying to lure him; 如果妳穿得很漂亮，他说你企图诱惑他．If you don't, he says you are from kampong. 如果不，他说妳是乡下来的If you argue with him, he says you are stubborn; 如果妳跟他理论，他说妳固执If you keep quiet, he says you have no brains. 如果妳沉默，他说妳没大脑！If you are smarter than him, he'll lose face; 如果妳比他聪明，他说那是小聪明If he is smarter than you, he is great. 如果他比你聪明，他就是有智慧！If you don't love him, he tries to possess you; 如果妳不爱他，他想拥有妳If you love him, he will try to leave you.(very true huh?) 如果妳爱他，他试着离开妳．If you don't make love with him., he says you don't love him; 如果妳不跟他做爱，他说妳不爱他If you do!! he says you are cheap. 如果跟他做，他说你是贱货！If you tell him your problem, he says you are troublesome; 如果妳告诉他妳的问题，他说妳麻烦If you don't, he says that you don't trust him. 如果不，他说妳不信任他If you scold him, you are like a nanny to him; 如果妳骂他，妳好象他奶妈If he scolds you, it is because he cares for you. 如果他骂妳，是表示他\"关心\"妳If you break your promise, you cannot be trusted; 如果你不守承诺，你就是没有信用If he breaks his,he is forced to do so. 如果他不守承诺，他是迫不得已的If you smoke, you are bad girl; 如果妳吸烟，妳是坏女孩If he smokes, he is gentleman. 如果他吸烟，他是绅士If you do well in your exams, he says it's luck; 如果妳考试成绩好，他说是运气If he does well, it's brains. 如果他考得好，他说是实力！If you hurt him, you are cruel; 如果妳伤害了他，表示妳很残忍If he hurts you, you are too sensitive! so hard to please! 如果他伤害了妳，表示妳太敏感而且太难取悦！If you send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true…… 如果你寄这封信给男生，他们会发誓以上是不正确的．But if you don't they say you are selfish…… 如果你不寄给他们，他们说妳自私．[from: online]
3.对女人和男人的另一种描述[英文]WOMANWomen are much more complex than men:D in a wonderful way
SheMay be the face you can't forgetA trace of pleasure or regretMay be my treasure or the price i(you) have to payShe may be the song that summer singsMay be the chill that autumn bringsMay be a hundred different thingsWithin the measure of a day.
SheMay be the beauty or the beastMay be the famine or the feastMay turn each day into a heaven or a hellShe may be the mirror of my dreamsA smile reflected in a streamShe may not be what she may seemInside her shell
She who always seems so happy in a crowdWhose eyes can be so private and so proudNo one's allowed to see them when they cryShe may be the love that cannot hope to lastMay come to me from shadows of the pastThat i'll remember till the day i die
SheMay be the reason i surviveThe why and wherefore i'm aliveThe one i'll care for through the rough and ready yearsMe i'll take her laughter and her tearsAnd make them all my souvenirsFor where she goes i've got to beThe meaning of my life is
She, she, she
Women are wonderful creatures men are soo simple compared to us;) [from:http://www.sudanforum.net/archive/index.php/t-859.html]

M E NIf you kiss him, he kisses you backIf you don't, he patiently waitsIf you praise him, he says thanks youIf you don't, he feels secure in your loveIf you agree to all his likes, you have met your fantasy manIf you don't, you still get alongIf you visit him often, he welcomes you every timeIf you don't, he'll visit you insteadIf you are well dressed, he says you are beautifulIf you don't, you are still beautifulIf you are jealous, he reassures you and holds youIf you're not, he gives you no reason to beIf you are a minute late, he is grateful for your arrivalIf he is late, he apologizes and makes it up to youIf you visit another man, he is secure that you love only himIf he is visited by another woman, you are secure that he loves only youIf you kiss him once in a while, he's appreciative of your affectionIf you kiss him often, he will always have you on his mindIf you stare at another man, he knows that you're only admiringIf he is stared at by other women, you know why-he's one hot babeIf you talk, he'll always listenIf you listen, he'll tell you anything you want to knowIn short:So complex, yet so directSo strong, yet so supportiveSo dazzling, yet so humbleSo passionate, yet so marvelous ....MEN[from:http://www.infolanka.com/jokes/messages/3559.html]