七个忠告：助你感情长长久久

When you think about sustainability, what comes to mind—global warming, going green, doing your part to lessen your carbon footprint? How about relationships? We should compost old relationships and only get involved with organic people? Not exactly, no. Although the concept is intriguing, this would be implausible for most of us, given our cultural proclivity towards big "relationship footprints."

当你想到“可持续”这个词时,会有什么浮现于你的脑海之中呢?——全球变暖,绿色生活,在节能减排中贡献你的应尽之力?那么感情之事呢?我们是否应该让段段旧关系“混成堆肥”,只同那些“有机单纯”的人们交往?并非如此,不是的。虽然这概念挺新奇的,但对于我们大多数人来说,这样的做法似乎并不大合情理,要知道在我们的文化里,大家还是倾向关系多多,“感情印迹”大大的。

If you have had a few relationships you know what I mean by "sustainability"—especially if they have been a source of pain or suffering to some degree. But what of the ones you wish to keep, nurture, and grow rather than watch die prematurely or unexpectedly? Instead of all that energy most of us spend putting ourselves "out there" on the emotional limb—oftentimes left with nothing more than a "seed", or perhaps less some seeds,as the case may be—let's wise up and turn those seeds into wisdom. Let's get on with how to make our lives fertile so that we can more optimally attract and create healthier, more fulfilling, and sustainable relationships, ones that have the greatest potential for an amazing harvest, season after season to come.

如果你与人有过一些交往——特别是经历过那些在某种程度上让你饱受痛苦或折磨的关系,你就会知道我所谓的“可持续”是什么意思了。但反之,如果有些感情是你希望能够维持下去,继续培养并不断加深,而非看着它们早早夭折或意外中断的呢?假使我们大多数人用尽全身气力却使自己“毫无保留”地处于情感的困境——时常除了一颗“种子”什么都没留下,或者也许连种子都没有,这个得视情况而定——我们还是别傻了,把那些“种子”变成智慧吧。我们还是学习如何“滋润”自己的人生吧,这样我们才能够更有吸引力,并创造更加健康、更加圆满和可持续发展的感情关系——拥有最大潜力,能在将来的日子里开花结果的感情关系。

Relationships can be complicated given the myriad of unique nuances that make up any one individual and the layers of experiences that create the filters we each see reality through. The real enigma seems to be a matter of skill and planning—how to create an optimal climate for potential growth within this human complexity. Just like plants, relationships grow and flourish under optimal circumstances and care. So, here are some pointers for how to sustain any great relationship platonic or otherwise), once you have carefully selected who you want to be in it with:

人际关系有可能会很复杂,想想,每个人都有着种种独一无二的微妙个性,重重经验阅历创造出各不相同的“滤镜”以观察现实世界。其中真正的奥秘似乎在于技巧和计划——如何营造最佳的氛围让感情在这人间迷阵里发展潜能?就如同植物一样,感情关系也要在最佳的环境以及呵护中才能成长绽放。以下是一些教你如何维持各种良好感情关系(纯友谊关系或其他关系)的忠告,前提是你已谨慎地选择好你想要交往的对象:

1. Respect:If you don't, you have no chance at real, lasting intimacy (in my not-so-humble opinion). If you respect yourself, just double it. Don't just talk about it either—this is an action item. Respect is not a feeling; it's a way of behaving!

尊重:如果你不尊重他人,你就没有机会获得真正而持久的亲密关系(恕我直言)。如果你尊重你自己,那么你就要双倍尊重他人。但不要只是口头上说说而已——这是要靠行动表达的。尊重不是一种感觉,而是一种行为方式!

2. Responsible communication:You get to choose from every word in the English language (or whatever language you share) in whatever tone you choose to communicate your thoughts and feelings to another, so choose carefully. You have no one to blame if you don't tell the truth or say what you want. My teacher says, "We are always doing one of two things; creating separation or connection."What is your intention?
可靠的沟通:与他人交流想法、表达感受,不论要用何种语调,从英语语言(或者你使用的任何语言)中选择哪个字词,其决定权都在你手上,所以一定要谨慎选择。如果你没有说实话或者说明你想要什么,那你就不能责备任何人。我的一位老师说过:“我们总是在做着以下两件事之中的一件:形成隔阂或建立联系。”你打算怎么做呢?

3. Integrity:Do what you say you're going to do, when you say you're going to do it, as often as humanly possible. Nobody trusts a flake, nor does anyone want their vulnerable hearts to be in the care of one. If you love and respect someone, ACT like it!
诚实:当你说你打算要做什么的时候,你就要尽自己的一切可能,做到言出必行。没有人会信任一个反复无常的人,也不会有人希望把他们脆弱的心灵托付给言而无信的人。如果你爱某人,尊敬他/她,就要以行动表示!

4. Compatibility:If you are mad about the outdoors, can't live without reality TV, are a screaming liberal, or abhor people who over-accessorize or don't keep up on current events, then you probably wouldn't want to hang out with…me, for example. Just because someone has good energy doesn't mean you can do well together in real life. Watch what people do, not only what they say. Make sure they match or you'll be sadly disappointed, eventually bored, and even resentful. There are 7 billion people on the planet—check some more of them out and quit trying to make a person someone they are not!